#humor

I want a room decorated with bones!" Dan said. "Where'd they come from?" "Cemeteries," Amy said. "Back in the 1700s, the cemeteries were getting overcrowded, so they decided to dig up tons of old bodies–all their bones–and move them into the Catacombs. The thing is...look at the dates. See when they started moving bones into the Catacombs?" Dan squinted at the screen. He didn't see what she was talking about. "Is it my birthday? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#bones #cahill #catacombs #dan #humor

Oh my God! You little slut! You want to have a good date with him and want to have ten thousand of his little baseball babies! Cassie!!! ↗

— J. Sterling

#humorous-quotations #dating

My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter.  In a completely unrelated topic, have you seen my shotgun? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#dating

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ↗

— Robert C. Gallagher

#common-man-s-plight #humor #change

The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #change

...had just apologized to me. Hell must have been experiencing some climate change. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#change

Who gets the change?" the clerk asked. "You or...your fella?" Oh, he's not my boyfriend," I said. "He's my mother. ↗

— Wally Lamb

#change

I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it. ↗

— Bill Maher

#humor #politics #society #change

Poor Christopher-John had fallen into the hands of Miss. Daisy Crocker. I greatly sympathized him, but as in everything else, Christopher John tried to see the bright side in having to face such a shrew every morning. "Maybe she done changed," he said hopefully on the first day of school. However, when classes were over he was noticeably quiet. Well?" I asked him. He shrugged dejectedly and admitted, "She still the same. ↗

— Mildred D. Taylor

#humor #teachers #change

My grandma came over yesterday, and I had just jumped out of the shower, so I answered the door in my towel. I know it was a little indecent, but I didn’t have time to dry off and change out of my wetsuit.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #shower #yesterday #change