#humor

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear ↗

I'm a straightforward guy. I give straight answers to unsolved mysteries, I wait to date hermaphrodites until after they get a sex change, and I never eat funnel cakes before untwisting them. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sincerity #change

isn't telling a girl you just loooooove eating horsemeat one step away from saying you haven't lived 'til you've eaten puppy skewers? ↗

— Rachel Dratch

#dating

He had to say that the thing he found most attractive about her was that she had tried to kill herself. Now that was interesting-- sexy, almost, in a morbid kind of way. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#dating

I'm thinking there should be a dating site called "Tap That" - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy ↗

— E.J. Eisman

#humor #dating

Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier. ↗

— Caprice Crane

#humor #dating

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months ↗

— Josh Stern

#commercials-furniture #dating #store-humor #dating

I'm a door-to-door telemarketer. I knock on phone booths and trade numbers, then verify a customer's credit card when she calls for a date. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sales #telemarketing #dating

As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father? ↗

— Josh Stern

#daddy-issues #date #humor #dating

I'm a barrelful of hate! Come open me up! ↗