#humor

I can't believe you just did that! Are you crazy?" I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Why do people keep asking me that?" He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. "Who else keeps asking you that? Are any of them doctors? ↗

— Janette Rallison

#lol #wit #humor

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give. ↗

— Solange nicole

#humor #life #people #selfishness #society

Magrat said she could never make the wand do that and Esme said no because, she wasted time wishing for thinges to happen instead of working out how to make them happen. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#make-it-happen #wishful-thinking #humor

Low maintance is what's forgettable. You might want to right that down, underline it, circle it and put a star by it. It's golden. ↗

— Gena Showalter Alice in Zombieland

#humor

I've heard of such a legend!' I gasped. 'A child descended from a union between Christ and Mary Magdalene!' 'Don't be so fucking stupid,' snorted Mons. 'There's hundreds of those! ↗

— Mark Gatiss

#humor #humor

It’s the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin’ sausages. ↗

— Roddy Doyle

#sexy-humor #humor

Se sabe que las bicicletas han tratado por todos los medios de remediar su triste condición social. Pero en absolutamente todos los países de la tierra 'está prohibido entrar con bicicletas'. Algunos agregan: 'y perros', lo cual duplica en las bicicletas y en los canes su complejo de inferioridad. ↗

— Julio Cortázar

#discrimination #humor #humor

My mother walks forward. She's crying, but there's a smile on her face. For God's sake, is it any wonder I can't ever understand what you people are feeling? ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor

You bruised my ego, you see, and there’s just not enough money in the world to soothe my ego when it gets bruised ↗

— Jennifer Estep

#finnegan-lane #humor #humor

Look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, it's not my fault your son jumped out a dorm room window on Christmas eve. I've written over fifty books as a Columbia professor, all right? You don't do that by holding hands with every at-risk undergraduate who says he's homesick, or he's turning gay, or the dog ate his term paper. I write about Lincoln, and freedom, and great ideas. I don't always have time for students. It's like Dean Martin used to say: if you want to talk, go to a priest. Hey -- what's the gun for? ↗

— Eric Foner

#humor #freedom