#humor

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me! ↗

— Hergé

#funny #humor #tintin #funny

An impending sense of doom, a weariness of decadence - these are the deep concerns of a generation which charges into the darkness naked holding wine spritzers. ↗

— Bauvard

#fate #funny #humor #funny

Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor

I'd do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don't have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don't care about. -Lula ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Presque tous les hommes meurent de leurs remèdes, et non pas de leurs maladies. ↗

— Molière

#illness #medicine #remedies #humor

I’m writing my next book under a pseudonym. It will be Mark Twain’s best young adult romance. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #writing #funny

I want to know what it’s like to feel affection, compassion, kindness. I want to touch a wimp. But just a light brush against the clothes. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #sympathy #funny

I've lived a full life. I never once went hungry. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hunger #life #funny

Well," he said, "I think we've found our way in. We just wait until they're duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don't have a lot of staying power or they'd have been at the gym with me before. I doubt Grandma Kent there is going to do a lot of damage." He pointed at a gray-haired, hunched lady in a shawl, carrying what looked liked a gardening tool. "It's like Plants Versus Zombies, and I'm not rooting for the zombies, weirdly enough. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#human #humor #plants #shane #zombie

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. ↗

— Kristen Chandler

#morning #funny