#humor

Come on, Beamer! I beheaded you for your own good. ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

Sounds become more like other sounds that neighbor them. That is why one congressman oinks, another moos, and another bleats. ↗

— Bauvard

#congress #funny #humor #funny

Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor

They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#food #humor #inspirational #manners #food

How as a young girl, Ismat Chugtai convinced her father to excuse her from learning how to cook, and give her instead the opportunity to go to school and get an education: “Women cook food Ismat. When you go to your in-laws what will you feed them?” he asked gently after the crisis was explained to him. “If my husband is poor, then we will make khichdi and eat it and if he is rich, we will hire a cook,” I answered. My father realised his daughter was a terror and that there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. ↗

— Ismat Chughtai

#education

The F word turns me on, she whispered. The F word? Food He threw back his head and laughed. It rumbled up out of his chest and felt so good it startled him. For the first time in years,his laughter was spontaneous. It wasn`t tinged with bitterness and cynicism. ↗

— Sandra Brown

#humor #laughter #sandra-brown #food

Don't eat till you're full, eat till you're tired. ↗

— Andrew Zimmern

#humor #food

Close your mouth Lily, you look like a codfish." "I can't help it. This place looks like something out of medieval times. I'm surprised there aren't rushes on the floor or half-dressed serving wenches carrying trenchers of food." "Read Harlequin much?" "Shut up. There's nothing wrong with romance novels. You could learn something from them you know." Sean's mouth curved into a slow, seductive grin. He let his fingers drift casually along the side of her arm, deliberately grazing the edge of her breast. "Could I now? ↗

— Marianne Morea

#paranormal-romance #paranormal-suspense #food

Victor eyed the glistening tubes in the tray around Dibbler's neck. They smelled appetizing. They always did. And then you bit into them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat anything. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#gross #humor #food

Danny shook his head, amusement relaxing the tense line of his mouth. 'Is that all you think about?' 'No! Sometimes I think about food. And beer. The color cyan. I'm a complex and multilayered flower, Danny. ↗

— Louisa Edwards

#food