#humor

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit? ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #self-doubt #self-worth #humor

Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen. ↗

— Rita Davenport

#money #humor

When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous. ↗

— Kirsten Miller

#humor #humor

rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS. ↗

— David Levithan

#acronyms #emoticons #humor #internet-slang #humor

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ↗

— George Carlin

#stereotypes #humor

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most. ↗

— Audrey Hepburn

#humor #perfection #humor

I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first." ~Cassandra Palmer ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor

Huging my pillow to my chest, I told myself, At least soon you won't have so much time to miss him. Soon school will start again, and then you'll be busier. Wait. Am I reduced to HOPING for school to start? Somehow, I have discovered a whole new level of pathetic. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#humor #stargazer #vampires #humor

Pasteboard pies and paper flowers are being banished from the stage by the growth of that power of accurate observation which is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.... ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#humor