#humor

Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#breakfast #food #funny #humor #love

I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up. ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#fact #factory #facts #funny #humor

Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#emotion #emotions #funny #hug #humor

One day, we will live in a world without salads. It is a dream I have. ↗

— Carl ''Cal'' Tuohey

#humor #salads #world #age

A bright light at the end of a tunnel can seem warm and inviting, or it can seem mysterious and terrifying. People of the world "all working on their arts and crafts" can seem like heaven or, if you're me, hell. ↗

— Mary Roach

#art

Look at this fog. The damp gets right into your bones. It's doing my chest no good at all. I'll need a vapour bath." Bryant pulled down his scarf and peered over the sodden hedge. Dew had formed on his bald head and ears. He resembled a minor Tolkien character. "You're getting old before your time," warned May. "I can't imagine what you'll look like in your eighties." "I'm ageing gracefully, which means not trying to look like a member of Concrete Blimp." "I assume you mean Led Zeppelin... ↗

— Christopher Fowler

#old-age #age

I loved her like elephants like remembering stuff. Those bastards just won’t let me forget and move on.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#forget #forgetting #funny #humor #love

The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right. I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #subtlety #tolkien #anger

No more humiliation for me, thanks very much. No more swallowing my anger. Honestly, I couldn't manage another mouthful. But it was delicious. Did you make it yourself? ↗

— Marian Keyes

#humor #anger

Truax had another marshmallow poised to go into his open mouth, but he froze after hearing Dale’s outburst. “I don’t think I like your attitude, Dale. Everyone is addicted to something. Drugs, power, sex. Might as well be to something wholesome, like these little sweet white puffs, made from 100% all natural unicorn poop.” “That’s not where marshmallows come from.” Truax grabbed Dale by the shirt and pulled him against the cell bars. “Yes it is, damn you!” “Okay, okay! Marshmallows are unicorn poop! ↗

— Chris Genoa

#attitude