#humor

I mean, I am totally not one of those prudes who believe having sex as a teenager is some kind of mortal sin or social death. I don't have a problem with sex. I just don't happen to be having it. And if I were having sex, I certainly wouldn't be getting it on in an airplane bathroom. Who wants to get down and dirty in a place so . . . cramped and dirty? ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#humor #sex #death

I'm Allen Walker!" My life....is over...I'm going to die.... ↗

— Katsura Hoshino

#angst #death #die #horror #humor

You deserve to die," I whisper, suddenly realizing Iv'e said the words aloud. "Excuse me?" "Nothing." "Not nothing. You just told me that I deserve to be maggot feed." "Not maggot feed, just-" "Dead!" "Forget it" "I don't know why I said that. Just daydreaming, I guess." "Daydreaming about my death?" "Forget it", I repeat. "Are you sure you aren't still mad that I wouldn't let you borrow my vintage fishnet leggings?" "More like I didn't want to borrow them, ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor #kimmie #death

What can I say? I prefer to die well informed. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#elena #guild-hunter #humor #knowledge #life

The short conversation that follows eventually led to a tree religion. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree and led a clean decent and upstanding life could be assured of a future life after death. If it was very good indeed it would eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of lavatory paper. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#death

I don't think," he said, "that a vicar is supposed to beat a bishop to death, or even back to death." Mr. Berkeley looked down upon the remains of Bishop Bernard. "If anyone asks, we'll say he fell over," he said. "Lots of times. ↗

— John Connolly

#death

To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems ↗

— Matt Groening

#drinking #homer #humor #humor

You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#happiness #humor #life #love #philosophy

I can't even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace. ↗

— Knut Hamsun

#poetry #death

If I am ever put to death on the hook, expect a very human performance. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #death