#humor

I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #super #superficial #superficiality

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attacked #children #funny #humor #kids

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #funny #humor #lambada #magnus-bane

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. ↗

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

#humor #men #relationships #funny

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bicycle #breakfast #exercise #funny #humor

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they? ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#cool #desire #erotic #erotica #funny

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#holding-hands #humor #life #love #lovers

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #love #motto

The next time you're planning to injure yourself to get my attention, just remeber that a little sweet talk works wonders." - City of Bones (said by Jace Wayland) ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #entertainment #funny #humor #jace-wayland

This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..." "Repair boy." "Very funny, Piper. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #piper-mclean #funny