#humor

If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert. ↗

Grandma frowned and yelled something in Russian. She could have been saying, 'Open up, your best friend is here.' On the other hand, it could have been, 'America is a great country because of canned ravioli. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#humor #humor

You should spend more time reading the Good Book and less reading all those novels. What are you going to tell the Lord on Judgement Day when He asks you why you didn't read your bible? Hmm?" I will tell Him that His press agents could have done with a writing lesson or two, I said. To myself. ↗

— Jennifer Donnelly

#humor #writing #humor

Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit. ↗

— Sam Halpern

#humor

Aww, you know my verbal stingers are only poisoned with love ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor #laurie-faria-stolarz #love #mocking #humor

Camelot is a silly place. ↗

— Graham Chapman

#humor

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman. ↗