#humor

That was easy for him to say when his cell phone was rounding third base. If anyone got a home run tonight, I didn't want it to be Verizon Wireless. ↗

— Rosemary Clement-Moore

#humor #humor

Sarcasm, as it turned out--even when it was instinctive and quick--cut into the time one had to manufacture one's escape. ↗

— Mel Odom

#humor #humor

Are you making fun of my hero complex?' Yeah. ↗

— Linda Howard

#jaine #sam #humor

Watch out for the icy patch ↗

— Jim Henson

#humor

It's only worth staying in bed if you're young and in good company. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#humor

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. ↗

— Mo Willems

#humor #humorous #philosophy #psychology #humor

Women are angels, and when someone breaks your wings...We simply continue to fly...On a broomstick. We are flexible like that ↗

— Grace

#humor

Then set the hounds loose, boy - it's time to kick demonic ass! ↗

— Darren Shan

#humor #humor

A few years ago, when I was hitchhiking through Laramie, Wyoming, I met an old and infertile man named John. I told him, “I think I’d have made a good son, John. But I’d have made an even better Johnson.” He nodded as he took a long drag from his cigarette before he said, “I think I would have made a good Robert Derrick. But I'd have made an even better Derrick Robert.” I was silent for a few minutes, because I knew all too well what he meant. I’ve often felt I’d have made a great Bruce Robert, and an even better Robert the Bruce than Robert the Bruce ever was. Because, as many people have told me, “You can take all the Bruces in the world, including Mr. Willis, and you’d be the only one who could simply be called ‘The Bruce.’” But you couldn’t call me “The Boss,” because that title belongs to another Bruce. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hitchhiking #humor #humour #infertile

He soon acquired the forlorn look that one sees in vegetarians. ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#vegetarianism #humor