#humor

Was Charles I too stubborn to listen to reason? Could Civil War have been averted if the king had been more willing to negotiate? His great enemy Cromwell always maintained that the king had been swayed at the last moment by his queen, the beautiful Henrietta Maria. We can believe Cromwell's claim that the queen told her husband to be firm. But the wicked, spiteful, altogether irresistable quote often attributed to her by Puritan writers of the time is almost certainly false. "Oh my love, if you cannot remain firm in the bedchamber, at least try to remain firm with your subjects! ↗

— Antonia Fraser

#impotence #beauty

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#fleas #funny #humor #humour #pass-the-fleas-please

I got hired by a newspaper to write a column on current events, so I wrote about Benjamin Franklin’s charting of the Gulf Stream. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #newspapers #funny

Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike. ↗

— Trey Parker

#argue #general #humor #love #matt

Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit. ↗

— Cyn Balog

#guys #hot #humor #funny

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#funny #humor #humour #rabbit #funny

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ↗

— Steven Tyler

#clothing #funny #humor #tacky #funny

Put your memories on the shelf. Then, when your hippocampus is floating in a jar, admit you never really knew anybody. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #memory #funny

If I had eyebrows like two rainbows, I’d probably make love like a leprechaun. But it’s cool, because with that pot of gold, I’d have plenty of money to pay the prostitute.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #eyebrows #funny #gold #humor

If I were a taxi cab driver, as lots of writers supposedly are, and my boss were to tell me that I couldn’t read on the job, I’d obediently go around running every STOP sign. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #job #logic #obediently