#humor

Reeling and Writhing of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied, 'and the different branches of arithmetic-ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor

You do not know me, but I am a juvenile delinquent. I do not trust authority figures, I probably will not graduate from high school, and statistics say my present rowdiness and vandalism will likely lead to more serious crimes. I am a dangerous fellow, and I am causing mayhem in this store. [...] There. I have now shamelessly destroyed the symmetry of this shelf, undoing hours of labor by underpaid store employees. If you could see me, you would be frightened. ↗

— Katherine Applegate

#humor

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. ↗

— Mel Brooks

#wit #writing #humor

Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terrible bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

As I grow older, I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me. ↗

— H. Rider Haggard

#humor

If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you. ↗

— Jesse Andrews

#humor

Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #humor

Question (from a reader) : Will the Wise Goddess Athena overthrow Zeus and become the ruler of Olympus? Athena's answer : What an interesting idea . . . No, just kidding, Dad. Put away the lightning bolt. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #humor

Another Thing I'm Sick of Hearing: If I started that gay rights group, I must be gay. So if i start an animal rights group, what does that make me? A giraffe? ↗

— James Howe

#gay-rights #humor #humor

Obstinate, headstrong girl! ↗

— Jane Austen

#pride-and-prejudice #humor