#humor

Don't worry you will never find a rounded square ↗

— Greigon Selwyn Mott

#inspirational #metaphorical #inspirational

A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I hired you for your attitude, and so far I’m pretty happy with my decision. But I’m not sure I can work with you until I’ve fucked this attraction out of my system. ↗

— J.C. Reed

#love #romance #sex #sexuality #sexy-humor

Her mother leaned in. “She calls him ‘Colossus.’Now what do you think that is for?” “I’m sure she’s fine—” “Not if she is with Colossus. She asked me last week if I could get her birth control.” “Okay, okay. What do you want me to do?” “I want you to find that campground and bring your sister home.”.... “Fine.” “You’re going to go now?” “Do I have any choice? It’s either that or let Lucy get impregnated by the Colossus, right? ↗

— Jessica Clare

#humor #home

Oh, yeah. If there's one thing I'm good for, it's comic relief. ↗

— Shannon McKenna

#humor

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18! Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already? ~SHEESH~ ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#humor #inspirational #life #truth #age

What kind of husband would I be if I bet against my own marriage?' I smiled. 'The stupid kind. Didn't you listen to your dad when he told you not to bet against me? ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#certainty #humor #husband #husband-and-wife #love

If you bring the blanket, I’ll bring the warmth.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer ↗

— Robert Owen

#humor #people #philosophy #art

God said "Let there be light" and George morgan flipped the switch. ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humor