#humor

Sit, Phantom!" Ivy cooed. "On your bottom!" "Oh, for goodness sake!" Gabriel put down his book an pointed a long finger at Phantom. "Sit", he commanded in a deep voice. Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor. Ivy scowled in frustration "I've been trying to get him to do that all day! What is it with dogs and male authority? ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#funny

See you in the funny pages...mate ↗

— Daniel H. Wilson

#lurker #funny

I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #karate #funny

I nearly ran him over after he ran out in front of my car. So I slammed on the brakes, rolled down my window, and said, “Do you realize I could have killed you?” “It was stupid of me to run out in front of you,” he said. “Yeah, it was,” I replied. “But I’m not talking about now. Last Tuesday I could have killed you. Had you in the scope of my rifle, but I let you live. Now THAT was stupid. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder. ↗

— J.Leigh Hunter

#erotica-romance #humor #romance-funny #romance-novels #sex

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#back-covers #book #book-cover #book-cover-quotes #book-covers

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

I want to broadcast your poem to me over the radio so everyone will know we love each other just as deeply as the people in pop songs. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #pop-songs #radio #funny

I can't afford my principles. I borrow them from unimpeachable people and return them to undependable people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #principles #funny

I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #personality #prejudice #racism