#humor

Why is Santa an anagram for Satan? I mean, besides the fact that both have the same amounts of the same letters. Just consider the many other similarities between the two figures: both of them are red, both of them like to laugh, both of them give presents to children and both of them are kings of an ungodly underworld of unspeakable horror and suffering. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. ↗

— Sam Logan

#humor #santa #satan #humor

...now Eli was my new neighbor. Which was fine with me because I sucked at Math. Math and I were not on speaking terms. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #math #humor

I did what I have been told to do by my queen. In so doing, I fell into a trap I couldn't escape. I still can't." "The trap of LUUUUVVVV, I thought sarcastically. But he was too serious, too calm, to mock. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #humor

Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lead at the BookWorld Awards seventy-seven times in a row? Me. All me. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #wuthering-heights #humor

Outside the hospital the war was still going on. Men went mad and were rewarded with medals. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

Let me know when you're ready to talk." She stopped and glanced at them both over her shoulder. "Maybe then I'd be ready to discuss your sexual twists and my own little abnormal desires. You never know what we all might learn that we haven't already." With that, she turned and moved back into the house, closing the door behind her and disappearing out of sight. And Cam found his back slammed against the side of Ian's Hummer, his brother in his face. Lust and irritation flared in his brother's eyes. "You better start talking," he grated. "Because you know what she just did?" "She just dared us, Cam. And I don't know about you, but the thought of 'abnormal desires' dancing through her mind is going to drive me fucking crazy. Now, fix it. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#humor #humor

Kinzie smiled smugly. “You admire our base of operations? Yes, our distribution system is worldwide. It took many years and most of our fortune to build. Now, finally, we’re turning a profit. The mortals don’t realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we’ll be richer than any mortal nation. Then—when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!” “What are you going to do?” Frank grumbled. “Cancel free shipping? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#amazons #frank-zhang #humor #kinzie #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership. ↗

— Julio-Alexi Genao

#humorous #monday #mondays #humor

You can share in my joy, but I don’t want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery. Go ahead, take it all.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #joy #miserable #misery #selfish

You are a sick, sick man,” I told him. “Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #sarcasm #silver-borne #humor