#humor

Sacrificing minions: is there any problem it CAN'T solve? ↗

— Rich Burlew

#humor

Your function as a critic is to show that it is really you yourself who should have written the book, if you had had the time, and since you hadn't you are glad that someone else had, although obviously it might have been done better. ↗

— Stephen Potter

#criticism #humor #writing #humor

I learned to fly on a broom," he said, rolling up his sleeves. "I can learn to milk a goat, I bet." Though flying on a broom proved to be the easier task, he found. ↗

— Gregory Maguire

#humor

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care. ↗

— Briana Blair

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Fone Bone: HOLD IT! Thorn thinks Gran'ma Ben can help us get back to Boneville! Phoney Bone: IT'S NOT WORTH IT! LET GO OF ME! Fone Bone: Would you wait a minute?!! We can explain everything! Phoney Bone: HELP! HELP! They've destroyed my cousin's brain!! OH MY GOSH! THey've already milked you haven't they?!! ↗

— Jeff Smith

#humor

I think I just had an evilgasm. ↗

— Rich Burlew

#humor

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian] ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#rabo-karebekian #wife #wives #humor

The tree man eulogized them by screaming, 'And now get the hell out of here with your tree, you lousy bastards.' Francie had heard swearing since she had heard words. Obscenity and profanity had no meaning as such among those people. They were emotional expressions of inarticulate people with small vocabularies; they made a kind of dialect. The phrases could mean many things according to the expression and tone used in saying them. So now, when Francie heard themselves called lousy bastards, she smiled tremulously at the kind man. She knew that he was really saying, 'Good-bye--God bless you. ↗

— Betty Smith

#humor

Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit. ↗

— John Prine

#jesus #humor

there is only one type of people on this planet: morons there are, however, two types of morons : one knows and the other is in denial ↗

— L. F. Aday

#humor