#humor

You want me to be your spy in a game of restaurant espionage? Will I need a code name?" "It's nothing morally reprehensible or anything, " Wes hastened to assure her. "Just curiosity." "I think your code name should be Tiberius," she said decisively. "I'll be Uhura." "Tiberius? As in James Tiberius Kirk?" Wes blinked, then grinned. "Oh my God, this is your version of flirting. How do you say 'I fancy you' in Klingon? ↗

— Louisa Edwards

#humourous-situations #humor

We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #relationships #sex

I Didn't Ask to Be a Senior Citizen (I Was Drafted) ↗

— Doug Jensen

#humor #old-age #senior-citizen #age

I can remember hearing one middle-aged man who sat nearby saying 'Simmer down, boyo' to another older man seated kitty-corner to me across the doorway to one of the hallways extending out from the waiting area, except when I looked up from the book both these men were staring straight ahead, expressionless, with no sign of anyone needing to 'simmer down' in any conceivable way. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#age

...Her parents were going to a conference for the weekend. The conference was called "Lawyers are Lovely, Great and Superb: so Why Does Everyone Think that They are Liars, Greedy and Scum?" and Mr Thomson was doing a speech called "Ten Tips to Make Lawyers as Popular as Doctors. ↗

— Jaclyn Moriarty

#lawyers #love

There were pecans, there were cashews and then there was just plain nuts. ↗

— Mary Hughes

#crazy #humor #humorous-quote #nuts #love

A few weeks ago he said to me, completely ou of nowhere, 'You good friend to me, Liss. Loyal friend.' Then he sighed, stared off into space and added mournfully, ' Not like Sharon.' Who the hell is Sharon? What did she do to him? When I tried asking him about it, he would give me no answer. Acted suddenly like he didn't know who I was even referring to. As if I were the one who'd brought up that thieving hussy Sharon in the first place.) ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#love

I love Lamp. ↗

— Brick

#love

And when you grow up one day," her mother would always add, "you might be lucky enough to be shot by someone you love. ↗

— Carolyn Cohagan

#love

Some people love and some pretend. ↗

— Rahul Kumar Tilwani

#love #love