#humor

There's no better cure for snobbiness than a good a** kicking. ↗

— Kristin Kimball

#food

Things like, Brothers and sisters! Saving money! Setting the table! True love... ... I MEAN! Foods you don't like! ↗

— Marcy Heisler

#edwina #humor #scott #food

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never leaving. I also eat all the food in your fridge, and never leave when you ask me to. Why would I leave? Good food, good friends, and good food. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

The letters of my name are scrambled like eggs. They should be sunny side up, like Dark Jar Tin Zoo.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dark-jar-tin-zoo #eggs #food #funny #humor

I hate spinach," the President of the United States blurted out. "Not the least bit sorry to see it happen." He spoke these candid words in a hush-hush, closed-door meeting with a "special advisor" from agribusiness giant, AgriNu. "Hate it." The President went on, "You know what else I hate? Peas. Despise peas... and there's so many of them." Edwin Edwards (why do parents do that?), otherwise known as Mr. Ed, leaned back with a sly smile. "What if I told you there was a way to get rid of spinach? And peas? And, at the same time, break open this damned European block to our special genetically modified seeds, allowing us to finally take control of the world market?" The President settled back in his seat, indicating for him to go on. Despite not liking vegetables, the President liked a man with a big appetite. ↗

— Sharon Weil

#donny-and-ursula-save-the-world #food-supply #gmos #humor #peas

Some people say a person receives a position in this church through revelation, and others say they get it through inspiration, but I say they get it through relation. If I hadn't been related to Heber C. Kimball I wouldn't have been a damn thing in this church. ↗

— J. Golden Kimball

#religion #inspirational

You could fill an airlift to Africa with all the food generated by one dead Jew. ↗

— Jonathon Tropper

#shiva #food

Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. “Boys are like candy,” she suddenly says. I grin. “Really, Mom? That’s your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens? ↗

— Rucy Ban

#daughter #funny-humor #inspirational #mother #teenage-love

You say: 'Oh, please forgive' You say: 'Oh, live and let live.' But sorry doesn't help us. Sorry will not save us. Sorry is just a word you find so easy to say (so you say it anyway). Sorry doesn't help us. Sorry won't protect us. Sorry won't undo all the good gone wrong. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #forgiveness

Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world. So if it is correct to say that humor was stamped out in Nazi Germany, that does not mean that people were not in good spirits, or anything of that sort, but something much deeper and more important. ↗

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

#correct #deeper #does #germany #good