#humor

You might want to lie down," Magnus advised. "I find that it helps when the crushing sense of horrible realization sets in. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#trust #humor

Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#life-humor #humor

The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important." "It was probably important to her. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#gold #humor #percy-jackson #humor

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk. ↗

— Robert Bloch

#humor

You're an idiot." "I've never claimed to be otherwise. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#idiocy #humor

If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#love #humor

An Unbreakable Vow?" said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?" "Yes I’m sure," said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?" "Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow..." "I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #malfoy #ron-weasley #snape #unbreakable-vow

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#men #witchcraft #witches #women #humor