#humor

That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor #humor

As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #optimism #solace #humor

I don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable. "Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#rude #humor

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly. ↗

— Mother Teresa

#inspirational #humor

Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.) ↗

— John Green

#diagnosis #humor #john-green #humor

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #men #women #humor

Aren’t they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?” “Yes,” he said, getting up and pulling her to her feet along with him,“ and I’m worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you’ll wind up making out with him, too.” “ Don’t be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.” “In that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood #humor

Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try." (Adrian) ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #humor

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#impudence #sarcasm #smartass #humor