#humor

Boys,” Lindsay agreed, nodding. “What doesn't get lost in translation?” “Things with the letter X in front of them,” Rachel posited. “Like X-Box. And X-rated movies. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny #humor #sex #sexual #funny

I want to live in a mansion, wear nice suits, and get paid to have my boss grovel at my feet. I want to be the butler to a sycophant. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sycophancy #funny

A brick is a biographical film in which a young orphan brick from the wrong side of the track grows up to be one of the most important bricks in all brick kind, as it is now quite literally the cornerstone of one of America’s greatest ballparks.(Fenway) ↗

— Nicole McKay

#baseball #brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses

A brick pressed over each ear may protect from loud noises like a jackhammer. For softer noises that are annoying, like snoring, I’d recommend covering your ears with a blanket. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I directed my first film. It’s about the economy and it’s called “Bend Over.” It’s an hour and a half of a single continuous shot of an ass, naked and bent over. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#economy #funny #humor #funny

Dear Fly, I love you. If you are a mouse I am cheese. If you are a cat I am a mouse. You are a fly, so I want to be shit. ↗

— Casey Scieszka

#humor #love #funny

Don't whine over sensitive issues - cry with laughter. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #whining #funny

Thoughtful organ donors do not give to charity posthumously. They cultivate many pen pals and ship their deliveries first class. ↗

— Bauvard

#generosity #humor #organ-donor #funny

I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder what could be up there. ↗

— Bauvard

#ceilings #constellations #funny #humor #sky

It is a known fact that pain and pleasure are the two most basic elements of life. But the secret is to simplify that fact. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #life #pain #pleasure #sadomasochism