#humor

Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#condoms #humorous-comebacks #insult #humor

We've both got into the blue beetle. He got into the red door, I got into the white one. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

You can't save everyone, though God knows you try. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #humor

I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth. ↗

— Georgette Heyer

#humor #modern-youth #humor

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -Calvin ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

Dismissed like a dog. Damon groped for his jacket behind him, found it, and wished that his groping for his sense of humor could be as successful. The faces around him were all the same. They could have been carved in stone. But not stone as hard as that that was coming together again around his soul. That rock was remarkably quick to mend—and an extra layer was added, like the layering of a pearl, but not covering anything nearly so pretty. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor

I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#ferro #harry-dresden #humor #sarcasm #humor

There's a difference between preferring books to parties and preferring sixteen cats to seeing the light of day. ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#introverts #reading #humor

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humour #humor