#humor

If it turned out Brandon Stark also likes to dress up as Strwberry Shortcake while playing croquet with his miniture pony collection, I totally wouldn't be surprised anymore. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#meg-cabot #strawberry-shortcake #humor

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets. ↗

— Dave Barry

#cleaning #humor #slobs #humor

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind. ↗

— Jason Mraz

#humor #intellectual #humor

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head... ↗

— Bill Cosby

#humor #thinking #toilet #humor

Gabbe jumped up and seized the cocanut first, giving its contents a sniff. "Arriane, she has just been through a trama," she scolded. Arriane tossed her shoulders back. "Precisely why she needs something with a kick," she argued, holding the tray possessively while she and Gabbe engaged in a stare-down. "Fine," Arriane said, looking away from Gabbe. ↗

— Lauren Kate

#humor

Well, thanks for not shooting anyone, I guess", said Marcus. "My contribution was to somehow refrain from peeing myself. You can thank me later. ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor

You're right, he's a killer," you said. "A rooster with some serious issues. ↗

— Lucy Christopher

#killer #rooster #humor

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea. ↗

— Jessica Simpson

#stupid #humor

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

If you help me find my sister, you can have these back. I saved them for you." "Thanks," he croaks, surveying the wings. "They'll look great on my wall. ↗

— Susan Ee

#humor