#humor

Artists are the serfs of a leisure society. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I never meant it," he was saying. "Never meant it to happen. Can't stand it, seeing her suffer. Must do something, do something... What do I do? What can I do...? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

i dont live to eat i eat to live ↗

— Martin Lawrence

#humor

Having good intentions isn’t enough when actions fail; you also need some bad intentions so that you look competent. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #intentions #funny

Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

It's a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don't find it. If you don't give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#funny

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party! ↗

— Ron White

#humor #inspirational #party #funny

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#science #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #funny