#humor

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#music #funny

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else. ↗

— Pseudonymous Bosch

#emotions #funny #humor #manga #provoke

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#america #drink #funny #humor #love

Sane is boring. ↗

— R.A. Salvatore

#crazy #forgotten-realms #funny #humor #jarlaxle

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #laugh #warning-labels #funny

I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#debate #dialogue #funny #humor #judgement

My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flap #fly #funny #humor #skyscraper

I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #super #superficial #superficiality

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attacked #children #funny #humor #kids

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #funny #humor #lambada #magnus-bane