#humor

A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like:
 Brick: Hello!
 Blanket: Hi!
 Brick: How are you?
 Blanket: Good. You?
 Brick: Good. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#haunted-shoe #humor #paranormal-romance #random #richelle-mead

Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew — in jeggings. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny-and-random #humor #funny

I don't think my mum ever understood my love of Doctor Who. Surely her strongest memory would have been me, standing at the top of the stairs, crying about how the "jelly men" were going to get me? Sorry, Mum, for those sleepless nights, but it was with good reason they called it Terror of the Zygons. ↗

— Steve Berry

#doctor-who #funny #humor #tv #youth

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a person. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #workout #funny

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas

Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#evil #funny #humor #money #funny