#humor

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #reading #humor

We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare." "Scrabble?" He sounds surprised. "Scrabble's great." "Not when you're playing with a family of geniuses, it's not. They all put words like 'iridiums'. And I put 'pig'. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#family

The champagne was dead. So it goes. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she'd found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #sassy #humor

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #oscar-wilde #truth #humor

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor

Why do all your brilliant ideas involve felonies? ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#virals #humor

Just so you know, I hate camping. I'm not so much appreciating the fact that there's no bathroom out here. 'Nature calls' while walking in nature is on my list of least favorite things. You tigers, and men in general, have it so much easier than us girls. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#humor