#humor

Never love someone beneath your level of evolution. If you want a monkey, you can visit one at your local zoo. ↗

— Shannon L. Alder

#humor #infatuation #love #relationships #humor

Oh for craps sake. You're not dying again, are you? It's seriously inconvenient when you do that." -Aphrodite ↗

— P.C. Cast

#burned #house-of-night #humor #paranormal #vampire

It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Hell's bells, irony blows. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #irony #humor

Once, when a religionist denounced me in unmeasured terms, I sent him a card saying, "I am sure you believe that I will go to hell when I die, and that once there I will suffer all the pains and tortures the sadistic ingenuity of your deity can devise and that this torture will continue forever. Isn't that enough for you? Do you have to call me bad names in addition? ↗

— Isaac Asimov

#humor #rebuttal #religion #zealots #humor

I'll go," he said. "And that's safer because?" "I'm a guy." "Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how? ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#exercise #humor #plum #stephanie-plum #humor

You used nunchucks on a moose?" Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that bastard. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#malachi-wolfe #humor

Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?" "What?" He looks mortally offended. "Do I LOOK like the kind of guy who's never had a girlfriend? Have you even MET me? ↗

— Tahereh Mafi

#kenji #humor