#humor

He was, after all, the ultimate rebel -- it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#myths #prometheus #zeus #humor

We need to talk to you," said Carrot. "Do you want a lawyer?" "No, I ate already." "You *eat* lawyers?" said Carrot. "Brick gave him an empty stare until sufficient brain had been mustered. "What d'y'call dem fings, dey kinda crumble when you eat dem?" he ventured. Carrot looked at Detritus and Angua, to see if there was going to be any help there. "*Could* be lawyers," he conceded. "Dey go soggy if you dips 'em in somfing," said Brick, as if undertaking a forensic examination. "More likely to be biscuits, then?" Carrot suggested. "Could be. Inna packet wi' all paper on. Yeah, bisuits. ↗

— Terry Pratchett Thud

#humor #lawyers #science-fiction #humor

If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science #science

The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #humor

Leela: Why are we listening to them? It is a waste of time. The Doctor; It is difficult to know what will be a waste of time until after the time has been wasted, by which time it is too late. So predicting what will be a waste of time is something of a waste of time. Unless it gives you pleasure of course when it probably doesn't count as a waste of time. Leela (yawning): I am sorry I did not hear what you said, Doctor. The Doctor (smiling): That was a waste of time then. ↗

— Chris Boucher

#humor #science-fiction #science

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#sarcasm #humor

Isabelle, it's all right for you to be a little afraid, but you should also be very excited and joyful, too. You're about to bring a new life into this world." "I would rather Winslow do it. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor

Venice she is like the beautiful cortigiana—the courtesan—who has”—Zeggio frowned, searching for the phrase he wanted—“dropped on the hours of trouble.” “Fallen on hard times,” James said. “Fallen on hard times,” Zeggio repeated. He murmured the phrase to himself a few times. “I see. The same but not the same. ↗

— Loretta Chase

#beauty

The bonds of friendship dwindle with age, Oliver. But a little blackmail lasts forever. ↗

— Stephen Hunt

#friendship #humor #age

Can you imagine the reaction of a British tabloid newspaper if they found a small school in rural England hosting a party like this? A party? In a school? With children present? Where marijuana is openly smoked? And comdoms are given away at the door?Imagine the headlines! How much would the Daily Mail hate this? How much would the Daily Mail love to hate this?! ↗

— Dave Gorman

#england #humor #parties #imagination