#humor

In fact we put so many things in our mouths we constantly have to be reminded what not to eat. Look at that little package of silicon gel that's inside your sneakers. It says DO NOT EAT for a reason. Somewhere sometime some genius bought a pair of sneakers and said Ooooh look. They give you free mints with the shoes ↗

— Morgan Spurlock

#life #truth #warning-labels #food

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#food #humor #food

To tell the truth, it is regarding the physical side of marriage that I have always been apprehensive...There so seldom seems to be enough of it," said Miss Teatime. ↗

— Colin Watson

#romance #teatime #marriage

Why can't the world be simpler, like it is for guinea pigs? They only have a few rules: Crying will get you attention. If it fits in your mouth, it's food. Scream if you don't get your share. ↗

— Cynthia Lord

#food

White people are drawn to farmer’s markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that if you release a white person into a random Saturday morning they will return to you with a reusable bag full of fruits and vegetables. ↗

— Christian Lander

#food #humor #white-people #food

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something. ↗

— Mich Ehrenborg

#humor #rice #food

Enjoy your Evening." "That will depend on the menu. If it's beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it's chicken..." Elliot shuddered. "What is the point of chicken?" "Eggs? ↗

— Anne Bishop

#humor #food

[There's a] point where you have to leave the dough alone. It's silly to anthropomorphize bread, but I love the fact that it needs to sit quietly, to retreat from touch and noise and drama, in order to evolve. I have to admit, I often feel that way myself. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#evolution #food #humor #jodi-picoult #peace

A brick could be used to make mashed potatoes, but then they’d really be more like smashed potatoes. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #food #funny

And what if Aaron drank from the unwilling? If he killed men and women – what then?” “I don't know that he did.” Kalina turned to face him. They drove on. “It sounds like he stuck to Vampire Wine. Which is more than I can say for you.” “Listen,” said Jaegar. “You eat your steak. I’ll eat my humans. You don't need to get self-righteous with me. As far as I'm concerned – you're just food.” “I'm food that can talk. And in any case – you don't seem to make up your mind whether you want to sleep with me or have me for dinner.” “Both, really. ↗

— Kailin Gow

#food