#humor

Hurray', shouted Glokta. 'Porridge again!'He looked over at the motionless Practical. 'Porridge and honey, better than money, everything's funny, with porridge and honey! ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#food #glokta #humor #unexpected-quote #food

A blanket could be used to sell two-legged tables to one-legged men. This very same blanket could also teach them some Latin—specifically the phrase “Caveat Emptor.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Everyone must work hard to imitate excellence. If we can’t afford a better house than our neighbors, we should at least afford a better spouse. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Writing metered verse is like working in drywall construction: stilted. Writing free verse is like having a heart attack: flat lining. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #funny

The test of someone’s authenticity is to wait until they think you’re not looking, then check the tag under their collar. ↗

— Bauvard

#fashion #funny #humor #funny

Nature abhors a vacuum. She is mostly made of dirt, after all. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nature #void #funny

To behold something more than life, one must scoop out the eye of plausibility with a spoon. Join the born fakes of surrealism eating the cornflakes of cerealism. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #surrealism #funny

I am oblivious to the obvious – it is such a vulgar way to characterize things. I have too much subtlety to notice anything beneath my dignity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #obliviousness #obviousness #vulgarity

I don't like cruel jokes - I've worn myself out laughing at the world. It has made me too self-deprecating to laugh at myself. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #laughter #self-deprecation #funny