#humor

I do not simply imagine that I am cultivated - I pretend as well. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #imagination #pretending #funny

It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much. ↗

— Bauvard

#exercise #funny #humor #outdoors #wind

Y are you called the cheese man? ↗

— Barbara Park

#funny #humor #funny

Así es. ¿Sabes?, Bianca di Angelo no es la única que tiene un hermano irritante. Ya va siendo hora de que conozcas a mi muy irresponsable gemelo. Apolo. - Artemisa. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #mithology #young-adults #funny

Bad relationships are not lucrative at all. There is far more at stake in good relationships. Good relationships keep divorces protracted, psychologists employed, and children in jail where they belong. Without them society would collapse! ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #marriage #relationships #society #therapy

When horsepower matches willpower, a road trip doesn’t end with the ocean. It only begins with a six pack. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #horsepower #humor #road-trips #willpower

I am the last reflection of the hero. Laurels are out of fashion, so my decadence is showered with champagne. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #heroes #humor #funny

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #politicians #politics