#humor

You don't have to go away to know where you're home is, everyone knows where their home is. And if you don't, you've got problems. ↗

— Morgan Matson Amy and Roger's Epic Detour

#home

Was it a camp?" Daniel asked. Sean nodded. "A naturist camp." "Maya will feel right at home", Corey said from his spot on a wooden lawn chair. Daniel sputtered a laugh and Sean tried to hide his. "Naturist, not naturalist," I said. "It means nudist." Corey leaped up and spun. "You mean old, naked butts sat on those chairs? ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor-funny #home

as I [Eve] was the only cook in all Christendom at the time, the idea of not coming home to dinner never occurred to Adam... It is true that at times he criticised my cooking, but in view of certain ancestral limitations from which he suffered, I never had to sit quietly and listen to an exasperating disquisition on the Pies That Mother Used To Make... ↗

— John Kendrick Bangs

#humor #home

Sunshine, I... Starla's voice broke off as she entered the room and caught sight of him standing naked in the corner. She eyed him in an odd, detached way, as if he were an interesting piece of furniture. Talon and modesty were strangers, but the way she stared at him made him damned uncomfortable. In spite of the sunlight, Talon grabbed the pink blanket off the bed and clutched it to his middle. You know, Sunshine, you need to find a man like that to marry. Someone so well hung that even after three or four kids, he'd still be wall to wall. Talon gaped. Sunshine laughed. "Starla, you're embarrassing him. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #paranmoral-romance #humor

Discouraged? As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-baseline, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We’re behind 14 to nothing,” he answered with a smile. “Really,” I said. “I have to say you don’t look very discouraged.” “Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. “Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet. ↗

— Jack Canfield

#motivational #sports #home

If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#zaphod-beeblebrox #humor

You’re getting ahead of yourself, Danika!” she said bracingly. “One thing at a time. Those home things can be wrong! Don’t panic until it’s time to panic! Maybe you’re just dying of some horrible disease and you aren’t even pregnant at all? ↗

— Madelaine Montague

#pregnant #home

Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's" "I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#nora-grey #scott #humor

Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots ↗

— Albert Einstein

#humor #humor

Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. "I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more." "You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing." "Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#less #more #nonsense #tea #humor