#humor

Filial respect caused Grey to hesitate in passing ex post facto opinions on his mother's judgment, but after half an hour in the company of either Paul or Edgar, he could not escape a lurking suspicion that a just Providence, seeing the DeVanes so well endowed with physical beauty, had determined that there was no reason to spoil the work by adding intelligence to the mix. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#humor #lord-john #beauty

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. ↗

— Mignon McLaughlin

#against #defense #major #minor #sense

I had a dream about you last night... you were crying over spilt ink screaming "the words, the what could have been beautiful words. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Claire said. “I might be able to get him to stop.” “Who, crazy dude? Maybe. Or he might pull your head off,” Shane said. “I kind of worry.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah?” “A little bit.” “That’s …nice.” He studied her, and returned the smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Kind of is, actually. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Look," I whisper to Cat, "Shooting star! That's good luck." She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical. ↗

— Cathy Cassidy

#funny-humor #lucky-star #mouse #funny

If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #identity #funny

I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #night-vision #wedgie #funny

The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #joke #vindictive #funny

I’m faster than the rest of you, if .. Because I’m a vampire,” Michael said, and it was some kind of breakthrough for him to say that. “If you get in trouble, I’ll be there.” “Nice,” Shane said. “I’m warming up to this bloodsucking thing, Mikey.” “No, you’re not.” “Okay, no, I’m not, but right now let’s pretend I am. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#science-humor #funny