#humor

His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm ↗

— David Cross

#funny #funny-but-sad #humor #humor

Our listeners asked us: "What is chaos?" We're answering: "We do not comment on economic policy. ↗

— John Vaillant

#economic-policy #humor #radio-call-in-shows #russia #humor

Where you think I’m goan?’ ‘Well,’ Eddie said, ‘what was behind Door Number One wasn’t so hot, and what was behind Door Number Two was even worse, so now, instead of quitting like sane people, we’re going to go right on ahead and check out Door Number Three. The way things have been going, I think it’s likely to be something like Godzilla or Ghidra the Three-Headed Monster, but I’m an optimist. I’m still hoping for the stainless steel cookware. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor

I’ve always found wildlife very calming-- except when animals are eating each other, of course. ↗

— Tom Upton

#life #young-adult #humor

Rush to danger; wind up nowhere. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

she tried to stand up. It very nearly worked too … apart from the world spinning at great speed with some very pretty stars … then the ground leapt up and hit her quite hard, which was most unfair of it as she could not remember giving it any reason to … . Then the world went all fuzzy and she passed out. ↗

— Nicholas Reardon

#girls #humor #manga #reardon #humor

We can’t make love out here. It’s freezing!” Maryanne cried. A boyishly beseeching look lit up his eyes. “We would heat up quickly.” “It’s fine for you,” she protested. “You only need one part of your body, and you’ll be sliding that into warmth. ↗

— Sharon Page

#outdoor #sex #humor

Most people assumed Aaron was gay just because he was on the cheerleading squad. I, on the other hand, assumed a guy who would endure severe social stigma in the name of getting his hands under a bunch of girls' skirts when he lifted them into the air was probably pervier than your average bear. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#humor

I was just teasing," I say. "I myself don't like to eat plain butter, but hey, it's a free world. ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#free #humor #world #humor