#humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, that guy’s teaching is somehow annoying me. Master of Stupidity: Only as long as you stay tuned for pissed-off channel. ↗

— Toba Beta

#change-the-channel #humor #life #stay-tuned-for #change

Life keeps changing without giving a damn about our personal feelings. ↗

— Kate Papas

#humor #marriage #relationships #change

You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity, into one of enormous respect! ↗

— Max Bialystock

#change

You'll never get anything done by sitting on your hands or by wringing them. Try getting them dirty for a change and you'll be surprised by how much you can accomplish. ↗

— Belva Rae Staples

#inspirational #work-ethic #change

ah, my daughter", he said. "eighteen and already you've been accused of murdered, aided felons, amd required a death count higher than most gaurdians will ever see." he paused." i couldn't be prouder."-Abe Mazur ↗

— Richelle Mead

#death

Woman, you got a mouth on you." "It's not 1955 any longer. Women swear as much as men." "I miss women who talk about women things." "You're changing the subject. Keep it up and I'll talk about my period. That's a woman thing. ↗

— Edie Ramer

#humor #snark #women-humor #change

I am Orafoura, but you can call me Jarod Kintz. I’m fairly proud to proclaim that Dora J. Arod has me on her short list of “World’s worst writers.” The list couldn’t get any shorter, because I’m the only name on it. I should tell her to stop calling it a list, and change the title to “World’s worst writer.” If you’re wondering why I rate all my work one star, it’s because the rating system doesn’t have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers. ↗

— Orafoura

#books #humor #list #rating #ratings

The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year. ↗

— Jeff Deck

#sarcasm #change

(Can human beings change? The humor, and the sadness, of remarriage comedies can be said to result from the fact that we have no good answer to that question.) ↗

— Stanley Cavell

#happiness #hope #humor #marriage #remarriage

Gryffindor is the courageous one right? I mean, I’m here because I have the balls to tell adults when they’re douche bags, so yeah, Gryffindor. ↗

— Trish Cook

#courage