#humor

They appear somewhat unreliable," he murmured. "Unreliable? Nonsense, Superior! Out of luck is all, and we both know how that goes, no? Why, there's not a man of them I wouldn't trust my mother to." "Are you sure?" "She's been dead these twenty years. What harm could they do her now? ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#trust #humor

Gabby couldn't believe what he had just said. Her mouth gaped open and a flirty smile came over her. She slowly peeled her half wet white t-shirt over her head and then slowly shimmied out of her shorts. What had gotten into her? She had never acted like this before, but she suddenly felt playful, fun and daring. If he wanted to play, so could she. ↗

— J.B. McGee

#girly #sexy #sexy-humor #women #humor

Allen: Maybe it was nothing, but I just got this feeling that we're being watch.... I bet it was a panda... Leenalee: Oh Allen! You think panda's are everywhere in China! Allen: Are they? ↗

— D. Gray Man

#pandas #humor

You're doing fucking awesome, Colt whispers in my ear and I can't help but smile at that. Only he would use the word 'fuck' at my mom's funeral. ↗

— Nyrae Dawn

#funny

I am so stupid, so easily fooled. It's really almost funny. If I could lift a finger I would gladly kill myself. ↗

— Will Christopher Baer

#stupidity #suicide #funny

Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#men #humor

Mother nature is a fickle and forgetful bitch," she snapped. "She needs a helping hand and I am trying to hurry her along for their sake. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#mother-nature #humor

‎"Sarge, mr. Nurd here is threatening to turn me to jelly." "really?" said Sarge. "what flavor? ↗

— John Connolly

#gates #humor #john-connolly #science-fiction-fantasy #humor

The only excursion of my life outside of New Orleans took me through the vortex to the whirlpool of despair: Baton Rouge. . . . New Orleans is, on the other hand, a comfortable metropolis which has a certain apathy and stagnation which I find inoffensive. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ignatius-j-reilly #new-orleans #humor

It did not look like the work of God, but it might have represented the handicraft of a God with a joyous sense of humor, a dancing God who loved mischief as much as prayer, and playfulness as much as mischief. ↗

— Pat Conroy

#god #humor