#humor

Listen. Just because we got a mutual hankering, doesn't mean we have to act on it. Aside from the hankering, there isn't much about you that I like. So far, you've been a pain in the behind. And I might as well tell you, I've followed through on one hankering and getting shot was more of an enjoyable experience. I didn't like it. ↗

— Maggie Osborne

#humorous #romance #experience

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity. ↗

— David Mitchell

#philosophy #humor

To answer your question as honestly as I can, I've wanted since I was very little to not have to worry about money. I've never been poverty-level poor (I mean, there's been years where I've been officially beneath the poverty line, but that wasn't poverty: that was being a student and living the Student Lifestyle), but I've been in a place where you know you can't afford a better-quality food, where you can't do certain things because of money, and I'd prefer not to have those problems if I can. I sort of have troubles with money in general, with how it determines so much of our lives but with how we all try to ignore it, but I would like to be (and stay) in a place where I can pick up some new comics and games and not worry about how much they cost. This is terrible; you're asking me where I want to be in the future, what I want my life to be like, and the only thing I can tell you is "Man, all I know is I don't want to be POOR. ↗

— Ryan North

#humor #money #food

We went to a Barnes and Noble, where I picked up an unauthorized biography of M.C. Hammer, and not wanting to overload her on her first book, I steered Dumb Dumb toward a Choose Your Own Adventure. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#humor

I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others. ↗

— Mike Corbett

#demons #heaven #hell #intelligent-humor #politics

I brought you a snack," Takumi said, dropping an oatmeal cream pie onto my book. "Very nutritious," I smiled. "You've got your oats. You've got your meal. You've got your cream. It's a fuckin' food pyramid. ↗

— John Green

#humor #food

I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor #food

You mustn't stand about. Come home with me to dinner.’ ‘No.’ More shakes his head. ‘I would rather be blown around on the river and go home hungry. If I could trust you only to put food in my mouth – but you will put words into it. ↗

— Hilary Mantel

#humor #family

My favorite sport is female and my favorite food is beer. ↗

— Glen Cook

#food

But I have never had the privilege of unhappiness in Happy Valley. California is about the good life. So a bad life there seems so much worse than a bad life anywhere else. Quality is an obsession there—good food, good wine, good movies, music, weather, cars. Those sound like the right things to shoot for, but the never-ending quality quest is a lot of pressure when you’re uncertain and disorganized and, not least, broker than broke. Some afternoons a person just wants to rent Die Hard, close the curtains, and have Cheerios for lunch. ↗

— Sarah Vowell

#humor #quality #food