#humor

Rachel delivered it like an official pronouncement. Like she was one of the fairies gifting Sleeping Beauty's christening: Beauty. Intelligence. Heterosexual. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#beauty

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" "I'm always a girl" I frown. "You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl" I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#divergent #funny #humor #tris #veronica-roth

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#best #bizarre #competing #competition #competitor

What's so funny?" Bella mumbled. "I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again. "I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed. "S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear." Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#food

I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#best #funny #humor #relationships #wonder

I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet." At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?" "I just know. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#books #cool #culture #desire #emotion

I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #funny

To Do Today, 1/17/08 1. Sit and think 2. Reach enlightenment 3. Feed the cats ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#enlightenment #funny #humor #think #to-do-list

Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run. No! If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers. ↗

— Moira Young

#funny #humor #moira-young #rule #funny