#humor

You’ve always been nuts. That’s fine. I can deal with nuts. But lately, you’ve been depressed nuts. I can’t deal with that. - Anthony ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

Yes, yes, mistress, I shall go and accomplish your task. Only—I was not only sent to kill the Leucrotta. There is a maiden in a tower—" At this the Witch spat, again rolling her marvelous eyes. "Those revolting creatures are always getting themselves locked up. If only they would stay that way. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#maidens #towers #witches #humor

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor #paranormal-suspense #vampires #humor

The Side Effects of Dying in Your Pants isn't really funny… Alright, it's a little funny. ↗

— John Green

#humor #funny

The Librarian considered matters for a while. So…a dwarf and a troll. He preferred both species to humans. For one thing, neither of them were great readers. The Librarian was, of course, very much in favor of reading in general, but readers in particular got on his nerves. There was something, well, sacrilegious about the way they kept taking books off the shelves and wearing out the words by reading them. He liked people who loved and respected books, and the best way to do that, in the Librarian’s opinion, was to leave them on the shelves where Nature intended them to be. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Has all the trappings of a mystery novel, doesn't it? ↗

— Patricia Cornwell

#irony #humor

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #inspirational #truth #humor

This is Zach." I said as Daniel shook hands with him. "The youngest is Ryan. The obnoxious one is Brent." "I respect that assessment." Brent said, and awkwardly bump knuckles with Daniel instead of a handshake. ↗

— Bree Despain

#humor

Lend me your ears and you can borrow my mind ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#life #philosophy #humor

In every possible instance Saint Paul begged Christians to restrain themselves to contain their carnal yearnings to live solitary and sexless lives on earth as it is in heaven. "But if they cannot contain " Paul finally conceded then "let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn." Which is perhaps the most begrudging endorsement of matrimony in human history. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#corinthians #humor #marriage #st-paul #humor