#humor

Yes, we have different viewpoints represented among us," she continued. "Yes, we have a displacer in our number, and a half giant, and a seedman who publicly disgraced us." "She's talking about you," Drake muttered to Nollin, loud enough to draw a laugh. "No, Drake, I'm talking about you," Farfalee corrected. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #delegation #humor #mull #rebellion

Life is like the stock market. Some days you're up. Some days you're down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind. ↗

— Paula Wall

#humor

He is the dark prince. The all-powerful one. The leader of the creatures of the night." Then Meena said, "I'm confused then. I thought the prince of darkness was the devil." [......] "Wait," Meena said, blinking. " Are you saying....." "Yes," Alaric said. "That is exactly what I'm saying." Jon looked blank. "I don't understand. Is he the devil or not?" "Lucien Antonescu," Alaric said. "is a vampire. Not just any vampire, but the ruler of all vampires. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

Does it help if we're so strong-willed, stubborn, ambitious, and selfish that we always overcome everything in our way no matter what?" asked Wang-mu. "I think those are the pertinent virtues, yes," said Peter. "Then let's do it. That's us in spades. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#personality #humor

Haruhi: This story has everything but the kitchen sink in it. ↗

— Bisco Hatori

#humor

Mother calls up the stairs to ask what in the world I'm typing up there all day and I holler down, 'Just typing up some notes from the Bible study. Just writing down all the things I love about Jesus. ↗

— Kathryn Stockett

#humor

Don't live with writers. Writers are bastards. ↗

— Warren Ellis

#humor

The thief, as will become apparent, was a special type of thief. This thief was an artist of theft. Other thieves merely stole everything that was not nailed down, but this thief stole the nails as well. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#stealing #thievery #thieves #humor

Recently Mr. Mawdsley’s donkey escaped from his stall, raced down the road, and somehow found his way into an enclosed pasture. Mr. Caird’s prized mare was innocently grazing when the ill-bred seducer had his way with her. Now it appears the mare has conceived, and a feud is raging between Caird, who demands financial compensation, and Mawdsley, who insists that had the pasture fencing been in better repair, the clandestine meeting would never have occurred. Worse still, it has been suggested that the mare is a shameless lightskirt and did not try nearly hard enough to preserve her virtue. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humor #names #salesmen #humor