#humor

Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor #nephlim #romance #anger

How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #death

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humorous #jace #funny

The planet is fine. The people are fucked. ↗

— George Carlin

#humanity #humor #funny

What the hell is that?" I laughed. "It's my fox hat." "Your fox hat?" "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat." "Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked. "Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox. ↗

— John Green

#humor #funny

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes. ↗

— Nikolai Gogol

#sadness #funny

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me." "It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #funny

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time. ↗

— Wendy Mass

#funny #humor #jeremy-fink #jetsam #keys

Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immediately identifiable. Clary twirled the phone cord nervously around her finger. "Yeees?" "Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I"m afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to-" "SIMON!" Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny!" "Sure it is. You just don't see the humor." "Jerk." Clary sighed, leaning up against the wall. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #joke #phone #simon-lewis #tease

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grades #humor #iq #kidnap