#humor

Oh, drat the men! No matter what they do, it's the wrong thing. And no matter who they are, it's somebody they shouldn't be. They do exasperate me. "Anne's House of Dreams ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#dreams

Nightmares did come true. Because, after her second night of major loving with the man of her dreams, the absolute last person she ever wanted to see was her mother. Yet there she was, her small, hefty frame trundling up the stairs to Maira’s front door. She was so frozen with horror, she couldn’t move until she heard the doorbell ring. Don’t answer it. Maybe she’ll go away. Well, that was just stupid. ↗

— Alisha Rai

#parents #dreams

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You don’t need to thank me for taking you into consideration. But I do expect you to return the favor. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our words. You were eating words like “Winner,” “Victory,” and Triumphant,” while I was eating words like “Macaroni,” “Pizza,” and “Meatloaf.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I left for the country club, you the mountain top, knowing that at our reunion one would fall. When golf clubs fence with skis, both summer and winter are painted red. In the contact sports of the wealthy, the seasons are no longer impersonal forces. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. It was wet, but not lucid. So I couldn’t control my spraying hose. I think it means we shouldn’t join the fire department together. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I sat at your table of brotherhood and asked why you invited so many strangers. You laughed and passed me the bread bowl. But the guest in-between us took the last roll before it reached me. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We made love like mannequins, and afterwards we laid in bed, exhausted and extinguished, which was indistinguishable from our insatiable sexual congress—and also identical to the way Congress goes about fucking us.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

If [his] peace of mind depended on me promising to be a sweet and careful little girl, he'd be smart to get used to chaos. ↗

— Sharon Green

#domination #humor #dreams