#humor

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith ↗

— Josh Stern

#faith #humor #pretty #renounce #second-date

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #dating

So, the date was on. I’d tell Zayvion I had a chaperone. Maybe he could help me figure it out. ↗

— Devon Monk

#dating

Ich war erfolgreich, sah ganz vernünftig aus und ich hielt mich an sich für einen liebenswerten Menschen. Ich hatte eine Kontaktanzeige nicht nötig. Im Gegenteil, mir lagen die Männer sozusagen zu Füßen. Zwar lauter Idioten, aber immerhin. Mir lagen die Männer zu meinen verdammten Füßen! ↗

— Drei Dates ins Chaos Ebook

#humor #liebe #männer #dating

As a wise Pug once said, all you need is love, kibble and a de-worming tablet every three to six months. ↗

— Gemma Correll

#pugs #dating

All in all, the lunch date was fine. Like an opened can of soda in its second hour. If you were thirsty, you might take a sip or two, but I carried more hopes walking in to the restaurant than I did walking out. ↗

— Heather Dugan

#humor #relationships #dating

Dinner was a disaster. Brent introduced himself while staring at my bulge, and I was glad to be shown to our table so that we were seated with a table between us, forcing him to look me in the eye. Apparently, my eyes have moved down to my pecs, though, as that's where he decided to fix his attention throughout dinner. ↗

— Brett Kiellerop

#humor #shallowness #dating

Charity groped for the phone, coming up with it at last and croaking "hello" in a voice that sounded exactly like a bullfrog's mating call. Which made a kind of twisted sense -- last night she'd been hunting for a mate as well. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#humor-relationships #dating

A weapon, I told Horus. I need a weapon. I reached into the Duat and pulled out an ostrich feather. “Really?” I yelled. Horus didn’t answer ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor