#humor

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #motivation #humor

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #philosophy #subjectivity #humor

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Dr. Horrible: And by the way it's not about making money, it's about taking money. Destroying the status quo because the status is not quo. The world is a mess and I just need to rule it. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#humor #status-quo #wit #world-domination #humor

Eric moved the broom experimentally and made an attempt to sweep the glass into the pan while it lay in the middle of the floor. Of course, the pan slid away. Eric scowled. I'd finally found something Eric did poorly. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #vampires #humor

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humour #misanthropy #humor

In life you'll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it's because they're stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance... Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself. ↗

— Marjane Satrapi

#memoir #young_adult #humor

How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste. ↗

— Margaret Atwood

#love #relationships #humor

Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#teachers #humor