#humor

I wish there existed philosophical delivery stations, where a person could call up and order an answer to such questions as, “Does life have meaning, and what’s the meaning of meaning?” Then a delivery guy with a thick German mustache would show up at your door within thirty minutes with an answer. And you could order a large two-topping answer for only 9.99, plus tip. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#german #humor #meaning #mustache #philosophy

What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don't know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But I'm sure he doesn't remember it. Does he? I hope not. If he does, everything will just get more complicated and I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#love #humor

The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch. Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350 ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#paranormal #vampires #humor

Was it a test?" she asked. "I mean,I know I'm still knew at this,I'm still a rookie. Did you hang back to test me, to see if I'd handle it alone?" "Well, kind off"he said. "Actually,no,nothing like that. My shoelace was untied.That's why I was late" "I could have been killed because you were tying youe shoelace?!" "An untied shoelace can be dangerous" Skulduggery said. "I could have tripped" She stared at him. A moment dragged by. "I'm joking" he said at last. She relaxed "Really?" "Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor

I closed my eyes, bowed my head and thought, AH, HELL . . . ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

[I] don't think I was trying to kill myself. I just wanted to hurt, and understand exactly whay I was hurting. This made sense: you cut, you felt pain, period. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor #life #humor

Bonzo, he pre-cise. He so careful, he piss on a plate and never splash. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#humor

Perfect sanity is a myth propagated by straitjacket salesmen. ↗

— Rebecca McKinsey

#humor #insanity #myth #sanity #humor

Sorry,ʺ she said, her face shining with joy when she saw me. ʺShould have put a sock on the door. Didnʹt realize things were getting hot and heavy.ʺ ʺNo avoiding it,ʺ I said lightly, clasping Dimitriʹs hand. ʺThings are always hot with him around.ʺ Dimitri looked scandalized. Heʹd never held back when we were in bed together, but his private nature wouldnʹt let him even hint about such matters to others. It was mean, but I laughed and kissed his cheek. ʺOh, this is going to be fun,ʺ I said. ʺNow that everythingʹs out in the open.ʺ ʺYeah,ʺ he said. ʺI got a pretty ‘funʹ look from your father the other day. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#romance #humor

To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago. ↗

— Roger Zelazny

#humor #irony #shakespeare #humor