#humor

I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#death #funny-but-sad #goals #humor #life

Look at the stupid, poor people. Look at the stupid, poor, burned-out people. Look at the stupid, poor, burned-out people, look at their dead baby. It's death porn for the masses. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#humor #death

I'd heard that if you saw a Reaper, you saw what you expected to see, what you thought the agents of Death would look like. Personally, I wanted to see little, fuzzy pink bunnies, but apparently my subconscious visualized tall, scary, and skeletal. My subconscious and I needed to have a long talk. ↗

— Lisa Shearin

#humor #subconscious #death

love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers. ↗

— George Santayana

#philosophy #death

I`ve got a black woolen hat and it`s got Pervert written across the front of it. It`s the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn`t think. I just put my hat on Clara`s head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn`t figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby`s wearing a hat with the word Pervert written on it and these people were like, `There`s Satan! There`s Satan out with his kid!` And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there. ↗

— Ewan McGregor

#children #funny #humor #mistakes #death

It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of being. Because he had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp. ↗

— Jeff Lindsay

#dark-humor #dexter #dexter-morgan #dismemberment #halloween

We are gods with anuses. ↗

— Ernest Becker

#human-condition #humor #philosofy #psychology #religion

In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#dreams

If most people with dreams actually realized them, we wouldn’t have to worry about rainy days. What we’d have to worry about is getting absentminded and stepping off of a cloud. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #dreams

A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #idealism #love #men-and-women #funny