#humor

You know how when someone is tall, people will compare them to a string bean? She, my friend, was like asparagus, but without the subsequent odor. ↗

— Tom Alford

#funny #humor #string-bean #tall #funny

Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #family

He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen]. ↗

— Ewan McGregor

#funny #humor #star-wars #funny

Hey Kid-- so proud of you. so is emily. we wish we could be there, but here's a fat check to make up for it but dont go spending it all out on booze. call you soon. Love, the best big brother ever and Emily and Marie, too." I smiled. It was a mark of how much I loved my big brother that I found his lack of punctuation and proper grammar endearing. ↗

— Kody Keplinger

#humor #love

I don't know anything but the simplest rules of English grammar, and I seldom consciously apply them. Nevertheless, I instinctively write correctly and, I like to think, in an interesting fashion. I know when something sounds right and when it doesn't, and I can tell the difference without hesitation, even when writing at breakneck speed. How do I do this? I haven't the faintest idea. ↗

— Issac Asimov

#grammar

We learned the seven traditional ways to make words unclear." "Seven? That many? Which was the most effective?" "Poor grammar skills. ↗

— Lita Burke

#fantasy #humor #magic #quest #steampunk

Love liberates one from the oppression of independence. It locks one out of the egalitarianism of solitary confinement. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #prison #freedom

This “who’s on top” banter continues until one wrestler (who has slyly gone to hide behind a chair) leaps upon his rival with an animal cry. The pair then proceeds to create a series of tableaux that appear to be from the Kama Sutra, Vatsyayana’s ancient Indian textbook of carnal satisfaction. Occasionally, the tension is broken by a wrestler who picks up a large object, such as a table, to throw on the other’s head, as if suddenly disgusted by his forbidden love. ↗

— Lady Arabella Snark

#pro-wrestling #snark #humor

I keep telling you, nobody wants legs like a stick insect. They want a bottom they can park in a bike in and balance a pint of beer on. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor #humor

Chloe scoffed. "Excuse me, but if this place reeks of body odor, it’s not because of me. I am not the one with the shirt soaked in sweat here." She glanced at me. My cheeks burned. It was one of those moments where you wished the earth could rip open and swallow you whole. "Oh, that’s why I can see your bra," Vincent pointed out, looking at my chest. "Nice boobs by the way." I looked down and almost had a heart attack. In the haste, I’d put a white top over a black bra. ↗

— Tatiana Vila

#humor