#humorous

Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humorous #skinny #humor

Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let's roll. I'm ready. My toaster will never be the boss of me. Get ready to make me some Pop-Tarts, bitch. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor

It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is? ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#drinking #friday #humor #humorous #margarita

Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs ↗

— James Dashner

#humor

In small towns, news travels at the speed of boredom. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#humorous #rural-life #humor

Thanks,” I muttered and added under my breath, “Douchebag.” He laughed, deep and throaty. “Now that’s not very ladylike, Kittycat.” I whipped around. “Don’t ever call me that,” I snapped. “It’s better than calling someone a douchebag, isn’t it?” He pushed out the door. “This has been a stimulating visit. I’ll cherish it for a long time to come.” Okay. That was it. “You know, you’re right. How wrong of me to call you a douchebag. Because a douchebag is too nice of a word for you,” I said, smiling sweetly. “You’re a dickhead.” “A dickhead?” he repeated. “How charming.” I flipped him off. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. ↗

— W. Somerset Maugham

#conduct #frame #humorous #i #i can

Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. 'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa. ↗

— Derek Landy

#furniture #humor #humorous #mistakes #death

You know, my main reaction to this money thing is that it's humorous, all the attention to it, because it's hardly the most insightful or valuable thing that's happened to me. ↗

— Steve Jobs

#because #happened #hardly #humorous #insightful

What I've always done as an entertainer is try to come up with things that people will find interesting, or compelling, or humorous. ↗

— James Taylor

#come #compelling #done #entertainer #find